Bach Flowers. Care for the Carers
Care for the Carers.
Wendy is a prime example of needing Care for the Carers. She had Caring thrust upon her, unexpectedly. Here is Wendy’s story of needing Care for the Carers.
She’d been married to Donald for over 25 years and she hadn’t been happy for a long time. In fact, for Wendy, life was pretty miserable. When she looked back, it seemed as if slowly, Donald’s character had been changing and he had become, the only polite thing she could thing to call him was, “a grumpy old sod”!
She’d seen the children grown up and now settled in their own lives, but she and Donald were not getting on. And she decided, that as she was a young 50, she was going to get a divorce and start to enjoy life.
And then came a crule blow! Both she and Donald were devastated by the news. Donald was diagnosed with cancer!
How could she leave him now? Well, the answer was simple – she couldn’t.
So, overnight Wendy became a full-time Carer.
Change of attitude
She still did all the normal things to run the house, but now she had to change her attitude. Dhe had to start ‘caring for Donld’. Donald now came first!
This change of attitude was hard for Wendy. She was shocked by the news. Although she could hardly admit it to herself, she was angry with him! Just as she was going to have some freedom and start living her life again – he got sick! Of course, she knew he didn’t to it deliberately – but she felt she’d been dealt a rotten hand.
Over the next 3 years, Donald’s care demanded much more of Wendy and she turned to the Bach Flower Remedies to help her get through each day.
Donald was very and critical of everything she did. According to Donald, she did everything wrong. She found his relentless criticism very difficult to deal with and she too became irritable, angry and intolerant, and would quickly slip into resentment.
Impatiens, Holly and Beech helped them both with their irritability, anger and intolerance. Their irritability and anger seemed to fuel each other, and these remedies helped them both.
Wendy’s bitterness gave way to genuine regret that she hadn’t made more of an effort to make the marriage work. (Bach Flower Pine helped Wendy heal her feelings of guilt).
As Donald’s illness progressed, there was little time to feel anything but exhaustion. Some days she didn’t know how she found the strength to go on – but she did. Olive and Oak helped with these feelings.
Gelief and Relief
Can two seemingly opposing emotions reside in us at the same time?
I would say so. We sometimes have so many feelings, seemingly all at once, that its hard to identify them.
Wendy felt a a wave of relief flow through her when Donald passed away. It had be a hard and cruel fight for him and a hard and exhausting time for her.
She was numb for a while, and used Rescue Remedy to “stick her back together” and to help with her grief: grief at the loss of her husband and grief for the loss of a marriage that had end up on the rocks soon after the children left home.
The years of caring had taken their toll on Wendy. However, through the use of the remedies she had changed and come to know herself a lot better. But for now, she needed rest and reflection to allow the next stage of her life to unfold.
Recap of the remedies
Willow – for being angry when treated unfairly: leads to complaining, bitterness and resentment
Impatiens – irritability when others are too slow
Beech – critical and intolerant of the characteristics of others.
Oak – for carrying on, even when exhausted
Olive – for physical and mental fatigue.
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