A True Story Of Finding Love
HERE IS A LETTER I RECEIVED (I have changed the sender’s Name – for obvious reasons).
This blog is a bit different to my other blogs, and when you get into it… I think you’ll see why…and I hope that you’ll find it inspiring!
Letter from Peter
I hope this email finds you in good spirits.
My name is Peter and we first met at the Flitwick Mind, Body and Soul fair. I happened upon your stall asking for a general tonic for my family and you provided me with something much greater. You instantly sensed that there was an underlying issue and I opened-up to you with my true problem….my wife, Emma, had told me that she had fallen out of love with me.
She had been spending a lot of time with a man from her work and I discovered, through shameful snooping on my behalf, that she was in love with him. She was with him all day at work, she would text/talk to him for hours in the evenings, she would go out to dinner with him on a weekly basis, she spent a weekend with him in London for his birthday, she planned to go to a show at the O2 with him, she arranged to go on holiday with him and his friend ……she was well and truly moving on.
I was feeling all sorry for myself, trying to figure out what went wrong, when it started and what I could do to make things better. I was all over the place. Then I met you.
You gave me what I needed the most at that time in my life.
You gave me hope.
I followed your wise words and went about wooing Emma, being kind to her and visualising my love for her through light from my heart to hers as we stand on a bridge opposite each other. I was waiting patiently for her to come back to me.
This new hope inspired me to hunt out additional information I could use to help me, to help us.
I bought lots of books/CDs/courses from Stephen Covey, Mort Fertel, Linda Clark (very useful for my visualisations!), Andrew G Marshall and Gary Chapman.
I was being introduced to vast knowledge and ideas that I could implement to improving myself, with the by-product of improving my marriage.
I noticed small changes in her actions towards me. She would occasionally smile at me, hug me and thank me for helping with chores. Things felt like they were turning around, and we were getting back on track, happy days, it was working!
It was the worst holiday of my life.
We had a pre-arranged holiday to the Caribbean in May for one of Emma’s friends, who was getting married. I was excited at the chance for us to spend some quality time together away from the children for a week. We stayed in one of the finest hotels in the country, the weather was lovely, and the people were the nicest people you could ask to spend time with.
Emma was so mean to me for the majority of the week. We had separate beds in the same room. She would snap at me for no reason at all. She was constantly texting and calling her paramour. She didn’t have a nice word to say to me for most of the holiday. I was constantly trying to reach out to her, asking her to play tennis with me, come to the gym, go to the beach, watch a show etc. Sometimes she would reluctantly come along and other times it was a flat No!
I was really happy to arrive back home to see our children and try and move on with our relationship. That happiness soon turned to despair when we were travelling back on the train and she handed me a letter. THE letter. Thanking me for the wonderful years, the two beautiful children and all the memories. Telling me that I was still young and deserve to find happiness…..
She wanted a divorce.
I was tempted to comply with her wish, take the easy way out. But something was nagging inside me. Something was telling me that it wasn’t time for me to give up. I told Emma that I respected her wish for a divorce but let her know that I did not want to abandon our marriage and that I would be continuing my work on being a better man, a better husband because that was my duty. I said that she can go ahead with the divorce proceedings but not to ask for any assistance from me because I am trying to preserve and improve our marriage.
I doggedly went about my purpose of fixing myself, becoming a better man, showering Emma with love from all different aspects. I was giving her kind words, gifts, loving touches, warmth, laughter, helping more around the house, helping her with her work. No matter how she would react, good, bad or indifferent, I would keep on loving her, this was my role.
I fell so deeply in love with her all over again!!
The more I gave, the more love I felt. It was wonderful.
Back in July, she still went on holiday with her “friend” but things didn’t go the way she had planned it. Things had turned a lot cooler between them and he made a veiled threat towards her whilst at work when they returned. He has since changed jobs and is now in another country. I know she is still in contact with him, texting every week or so.
This is still hard for me and I have let her know that it upsets me still and I feel like she is betraying me when she does speak to him. In time, I’m sure they will fade into a distant memory.
We celebrated our 10 year anniversary as husband and wife
I have attached a photo from that day. ( NB. Rose: I didn’t use their photo for obvious reasons). There is so much more intimacy between us now. Hugs, kisses, holding hands, making love. We try and have a date night every week and we talk a lot more now, including soft, loving words of affirmation. We are slowly re-connecting!
I’m under no illusion that this is it and that we have now made it. It is a continuous journey that will have its moments . But I’m a lot more prepared for any events that come our way – bring it on!
We are soon moving to the Far East as a family for a 2-3 years’ work assignment. We are in a much better place now and we are all excited about this new chapter in our lives.
Dearest Rose, not a day goes by that I don’t think about you and the help you gave me when I was at my lowest. You are an angel that walks amongst us. I am eternally grateful to you and the kindness and time you gave me.
P.S. I still carry out my visualisations every morning and on the train home from work. Emma happily dances across the bridge into my arms more often than not now!
How about that…? Amazing, don’t you think?
If you would like to get some help with getting where you would like to go…maybe I can help you… please feel free to take a look at my coaching page.