Unconditional Love To Emotional Blackmail

Is it possible to link unconditional love and emotional blackmail in the same sentence? When it comes to one of the Bach Flower Remedies? Yes it is.

Do you remember me mentioning that most of the Bach Flower remedies are bought for emotions we see in ourselves? For example, you can recognise that you get irritable (Impatiens) or that you’re anxious or lack confidence Mimulus and Larch) but there some emotions we don’t recognise in ourselves – because after all its “not me that’s in the wrong.  They are doing this to me”!

Well, this blog is about a beautiful remedy that’s rarely bought because you’ll not recognise these characteristics in yourself – but you’ll certainly recognise them in someone else!

Chicory. Unconditional love to emotional blackmail

If the profoundly deep and  selfless love of Chicory is not expressed outwardly it becomes distorted and is turned inward – so love becomes conditional … ”I’ll love you if you do this….”.  This has happened to all of us at some time.

Someone in the contracted Chicory state never does anything without calculating the effect.  They are controlling and manipulative and tears come easily when they don’t’ get what they want.

Over-eager to help

Young Jenny was 9.  Her parents were giving a party.  Jenny was dressed in her best dress and with her fair hair in ringlets, her big blue eyes were shining!  She knew lovely – and she knew it!  She answered the door to her parent’s guests.  All the guests were delighted with Jenny and were pleased to speak to her.

However, as the evening moved on, the adults talked among themselves, and although Jenny still went from group to group, trying to join their conversations, they didn’t pay her much attention.

When the clock struck midnight, Jenny’s mother sent her up to bed.  But Jenny would not go!   She went straight in self-pity, burst into tears and asked her mother how she could be so ungrateful after all the help she’d given her at the party!

Jenny felt she had made herself indispensable, using emotional blackmail to make her mother beholden to her, so her mother would feel guilty and Jenny would get her own way!   (Do you recognise this in anyone you know?)

Emotionally demanding

Chicory people need intense, close relationships.  They keep their family close to them through emotional blackmail and by being emotionally demanding.  They’re always criticising and correcting others, particularlly their family – you know how it goes “You’re not doing that right dear – I’m only telling you for your own good!”.

For all their hard, calculating manipulation, they are very easily offended if they feel they are passed over.  And they go into self-pity if they don’t get what they expect (just like young Jenny). Easily offended, they certainly don’t forgive or forget.

Although they give little themselves, they expect a great deal from others, particularly their family.  The Chicory mother will keep her children tied to her apron strings. She’ll reel them in for every Sunday lunch, manipulating them with guilt.  She’s like a fussy mother hen, keeping her chicks under her wings.

All need Chicory at some time

But before you put this remedy aside, saying “Well, I don’t need Chicory – I’m not like that” I’d like to make one more point …

Have you ever been disgruntled when you’ve listened to a friend bemoaning her fate for hours, but when you needed a supportive shoulder to cry on, she cuts you short and makes light of your troubles?
Have you ever felt miffed when you gave a friend a lovely present, and all you got in return was a simple card?
Have you ever thought “I’m not ringing them now. They can stew for a couple of days”.
All these situations call for Chicory!

Click here if you’d like to know more about the Bach Flower Remedies or Essence.

There are 38 remedies, and as I’ve occasionally shown you, there are powerful remedies that are lesser known, but they do an amazing job.
Bach Flower Therapy is a simple and natural system of emotional healing that works!

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Over to you
As you gathered, I’m really enthusiastic about the Bach Flower Remedies (called Essences in America) and I love talking about them – so I love hearing from you.  Please leave comments with your thoughts and questions too.
I’d love to hear who you think needs Chicory in your family!


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Rose Todd